The Center of Attention Trap
“Why Your Most Connected Coworker Might Be Your Team's Biggest Problem”
You know this person. They dominate conversations. They name-drop. They get visibly uncomfortable when left out of an email thread. "Oh, I didn't realize we were meeting about this," they say, with just enough edge to make everyone notice.
You might think it's ego. But here's what's actually happening: This is insecurity dressed up as charm.
What You're Really Looking At
The person who always needs to be central equates visibility with safety. When they're not in the loop, it feels like proof they don't matter. So they overcompensate.
The behavior looks confident. But it's driven by a fear of irrelevance.
The "Connector-Competitor" Pattern
This is someone who thrives on being the social hub. At their best, they build genuine relationships. At their worst, they control narratives instead of fostering real connections.
Watch for these traits:
Talk constantly but rarely ask questions
Compete quietly with other well-connected peers
Act "surprised" when excluded—it's a message, not curiosity
Frame relationships as proof of value: "I was just talking to [executive] about this..."
Why This Matters
If you work with this person: You feel talked over, drained from managing their ego, and unsure how to set boundaries.
For the team: Trust erodes. People disengage. Resentment builds.
For the organization: Communication bottlenecks. Information gets siloed. Talented people leave.
For them: They're exhausted, stuck seeking validation that never fills the void. Popular but not genuinely connected.
Five Strategies That Work
Don't compete for attention. Stay grounded. You don't need to win the conversation.
Set conversational boundaries. Redirect: "Can we circle back to the timeline?" or "Let's hear from everyone before moving on."
Recognize their insecurity. Their interruption isn't about you; it's about them trying to feel safe.
Give small wins. "Thanks for that connection." When they feel seen, they grab the mic less often.
Protect your space. They use information as social currency. Be mindful of what you share.
If This Feels Familiar
Self-awareness isn't shame. It's the first step to change.
You may have learned that being seen equals being safe. But sustainable connection comes from curiosity, not control.
Try this: In your next conversation, ask one question that's not about you. Then really listen. Don't plan your response.
Watch how people respond. Watch how it feels.
The most influential people make space for others to shine. They build trust by stepping back, not forward.
You're not broken. You're using an old strategy that doesn't work anymore. And you can learn a new one.
The Real Source of Influence
We all want to feel seen. The trick is making space for others to feel seen, too.
Influence doesn't come from being at the center of every conversation. It comes from being someone others trust, respect, and want to collaborate with.
That kind of influence expands when you stop centering yourself—and start centering the connection.
If you are looking for ways to navigate your career strategically, I can help. Schedule with me HERE.