We Are So Hard on Ourselves—But We Don’t Have to Be
We believe our thoughts—often without questioning them. We assume our past predicts our future. But the truth? Our brains aren’t always clear on the facts.
Just because something happened before doesn’t mean it will happen the same way again.
Sometimes, our minds can’t see the truth. Other times, they think they know the truth. Either way, we always have a choice in how we respond.
A Personal Story
Recently, I had an opportunity I was excited about. I prepared thoroughly—case studies, research, mindset work. During the experience, my brain performed exactly as I had hoped.
But afterward? My mind spun out because things didn’t go as I expected. Within 30 minutes, I caught myself. That didn’t make it comfortable, though. I was beating myself up.
So, I wrote down my thoughts and examined the emotions they triggered. This helped me move to a place of neutrality, a mindset shift that allowed me to let go of my performance and focus on what I actually knew.
I did end up receiving the positive response I had hoped for. But because of how I had treated myself in the meantime, I took some of the joy out of it.
The Leadership Lesson
This experience reminded me of my training (yes, I can learn from myself):
Our brains have a negativity bias.
They want to protect us by preparing us for failure before it even happens. But that only creates unnecessary stress. When we focus on the facts—not our fears—we stay neutral, think clearly, and lead more effectively.
You may not always get the outcome you want, but you don’t have to suffer through the process.
I see you. I get it. I’ve been there. And after helping professionals navigate these challenges for 15 years, I know how to break the cycle.
Here’s how:
3 Strategies to Break the Cycle of Self-Doubt
1. Catch and Question Your Thoughts
Your brain will offer thoughts that feel like facts—but they’re often just fears or assumptions. When you notice yourself spiraling, ask:
✅ Is this absolutely true? Can I prove it?
✅ What other possible explanations exist?
✅ Would I say this to a friend in the same situation?
Writing down your thoughts and challenging them breaks the cycle of self-doubt.
2. Shift to Neutral Thinking
If positivity feels forced, aim for neutrality. Instead of saying, “I crushed it” (when you don’t believe it, and that's kinda toxic), try:
I prepared well, and I can manage the wait.
I can't lose what's not mine.
Find your version of neutral thinking. It keeps you from unnecessary stress while still allowing for confidence.
3. Focus on What You Can Control
You can’t control the outcome—but you can control how you treat yourself in the process. Prioritize:
Thorough preparation
Managing your thoughts
Staying present instead of predicting disaster
Repeating the 'reps' of an experience will increase self-confidence and resilience.
Final Thought: Leadership Is a Mindset
Leadership isn’t just about strategy (or titles, or what's in your bank account)—it’s about how we think, react, and lead ourselves through uncertainty.
To show up as the leader you want to be, you need:
1️⃣ A plan
2️⃣ The right mindset
3️⃣ Guidance to help you stay on track
Breaking the cycle of self-doubt isn’t about ignoring challenges—it’s about approaching them with clarity, resilience, and intention. As leaders, how we think determines how we lead. We set ourselves up for growth and success when we shift from fear-based assumptions to neutral, strategic thinking.
If this message resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. What strategies have helped you manage self-doubt?
