The Feedback Permission Slip

Most leaders are doing one of two things with feedback.

Avoiding it. Or ambushing people with it.

Both are quietly destroying your team culture.

Avoidance feels kind...until someone's been underperforming for three months with no idea why their career isn't moving.

The ambush feels direct...until you realize the person wasn't receiving your feedback. They were surviving it.

There's one thing that changes everything on both sides of this conversation:

Ask permission first.

Three words: "Can I share something?"

I know.

You think it sounds soft. Stay with me.

When you ask permission, you give the other person a moment of agency.

Their nervous system gets a beat to prepare. That tiny pause is the difference between someone who's open and someone who's already building their defense before you finish your first sentence.

Here's the before and after:

Your presentations have been missing the mark. You need stronger recommendations.

Do you have a few minutes? In the last couple of presentations, you're bringing great data but stopping short of a recommendation. I think that's underselling your strategic thinking, and I'd love to help you fix it.

Same message. Completely different experience.

And if you're on the receiving end?

You have more power in that moment than you think. Most people give it all away the second they get defensive.

Even clunky, poorly delivered feedback almost always contains a signal worth finding. It if it's only an itty bity truth.

Your job isn't to evaluate the delivery. Your job is to find the signal.

That's leadership identity in real time.

Two challenges for you this week:

Givers: Try the permission slip before your next feedback conversation. Notice what shifts. Receivers: Next time feedback catches you off guard, buy yourself time before you respond. "I want to make sure I'm really hearing you — can I follow up tomorrow?" is a power move, not a weakness.

Feedback only works when both people treat it like a tool instead of a weapon.

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I'm Jill D. Griffin — Leadership Strategist and Executive Coach. I work with senior leaders who are navigating complexity, stepping into bigger roles, or figuring out what's next. If that's you, let's talk. Drop me a DM or find me at GriffinMethod.com. And if you're not ready to reach out yet, follow along and tune into The Career Refresh podcast; I'm in your corner either way.