How to Stop Comparing Yourself at Work: Lead with Clarity, Confidence, and Evidence

We all compare ourselves. It’s human.

Comparison helps us measure, learn, and orient ourselves in new environments. But when it becomes the lens through which you see everything (your role, your peers, and your worth), it starts to distort reality.

Then you are on the spiral of compare and despair. What comes next? I am not who I think I am. I am who I think, you think, I am. Follow that? ;)

Then we are playing to the who I think you think I am. But I am guessing. Now I am inconsistent and probably just weird.

It fractures trust and creates shakey leadership.

So before you begin reacting to your current thought comparison. I'd offer a beat to pause, and ask yourself: Is this observation a fact, or is it a feeling?

1. Your Brain Loves to Fill in the Blanks

Our brains are meaning making machines. When information is missing, our brains try to be super helpful and fill in the gaps. Unfortunately, we often fill it with a fears or drama. Feels true. Might not be.

We call this confirmation bias. We look for evidence that supports what we already believe.

If you think, “The CEO doesn’t trust me,” your brain will start collecting proof. A quick email, a tone of voice, or a closed-door meeting will all support the story you are telling yourselves.

Here’s how this may play out.

• Your Thought: “I'm not in the inner circle. They don't trust me.”

• Your Feeling: Defensive or unmotivated.

• Your Action: You withdraw or overcompensate. You act defensive in the weekly standing.

• Your Result: You showed up defensive, and people responded cautiously. You fractured trust.

I'd offer that the key here isn’t to judge the thought, but to get curious and test it.

2. Reframe the Story

Leadership requires both upskilling and mind management.

Upskilling is about developing strategy, communication, and influence. Mind management is about noticing your thoughts, evaluating them, and choosing how to respond.

You can have every leadership skill in the world, but if your inner narrative isn’t grounded in facts, your actions will reflect assumptions instead of strengths. You'll be inconsistent. Perhaps be viewed as not a strong leader.

When you base who you are on how others appear or behave, you have set yourself up for crazy making. Don't compare their outsides with your insides. At this point, you are not thinking clearly, and you start leading reactively instead of intentionally.

Your leadership feels that inconsistency. Your team feels that inconsistency. They never know which version of you will show up. The confident one..the cautious one...the passive-aggressive one...or the one scanning for cues? That uncertainty creates friction and confusion. Everyone, especially you, is exhausted.

3. Shift from Guessing to Gathering

The antidote? Evidence.

Start collecting data for trust examples, feedback, and outcomes that either confirm or challenge your beliefs.

Ask yourself:

• What do I know to be true?

• What evidence supports this thought?

• What evidence challenges it?

• Who can I clarify this with directly?

When you slow down to gather data instead of guessing, you get to choose how you want to think about the data. You also give yourself a beat to regulate your thoughts, steady your emotions, and take aligned action. This intentional response becomes a signal for building trust for others.

4. Lead from Clarity, Not Comparison

Trust is built through consistent behavior, even when you don’t have all the answers.

Your calm and intentional presence earns confidence.

People trust leaders who are:

• Grounded: Calm and fact-based under pressure.

• Transparent: Clear about what they know and what they’re still learning.

• Consistent: Predictable in how they show up and make decisions.

When you lead from these qualities, you create the stability where trust can grow.

5. The Comparison Trap

According to Psychology Today, up to 10% of our thoughts involve comparing ourselves to others. Honestly, I think that number is way too low.

We live in a culture of constant comparison. From childhood, we’re measured against others grades and milestones. Now it's salaries, titles, and LinkedIn followers.

But comparison is a tricky motivator. It might ignite ambition, but it often breeds insufficiency.

And if you’re the one doing the comparing, there’s always a new target. There’s always a new pirate climbing on to the ship (of you) that you feel you need to defend. Are you exhausted yet?

7. Healthy Competition vs. Toxic Comparison

Healthy competition pushes you to excel. It’s about external measurement, it's benchmarking your progress. I'm all for it. Grab it.

When you bring champion or winner's energy, you propel others forward, cheer them on, and create a performance culture where people combine forces to win together.

But when competition turns inward - when you make losing mean something about your value, it becomes toxic comparison. You become toxic to be around.

If I could tell my 25-year-old self one thing, it would be this: The loss is just data (also, how important will this be in 2 hours, 2 weeks, 2 months, and 2 years? Use your energy wisely).

You get to decide what to make it mean and what you do next.

8. Rewire from Comparison to Clarity

Here’s how to reframe your brain for evidence-based confidence:

1) Take your victory lap. Revisit your wins. Relive the confidence. Success about learning from yourself and others. Remembering what worked and what you'll do differently next time.

2) Be conscious of your reference points. You've heard this before. Don’t start your day with social media. It hijacks your brain’s reward system and primes you for comparison. FOMO. Separate your work and personal email apps so that you are not checking when you don't intentially mean too. Limit your screen time.

3) Practice appreciation. At the end of your day, reflect on one or two things that went well — conversations, connections, or small wins. Appreciation rewires your brain toward contentment and resilience.

4) Interrupt your brain. When comparison thoughts appear, literally say your name and “stop.” Break the loop. Comparison delivers diminishing returns, and it drains your energy.

The Bottom Line

When your thoughts are grounded in facts instead of assumptions, your leadership becomes more intentional, your presence more consistent, and your influence more trusted.

What about you? Have you noticed how comparison shows up in your leadership? What helps you shift back to clarity?